Holding Back
by Angelic Rogue
Summary: Riku had thought that it would be easier if he distanced himself from Sora. And Kairi too. Easier for everyone he’d thought. But mostly, it was supposed to be easier for himself. RikuSora. Set after KH2.
1. Forgiveness

_I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts series or the characters involved._

_-----_

**Chapter One - Forgiveness**

"Sora, why did you look for me?"

Riku watched the ocean wind blow through Sora's hair as he leaned against a palm tree. They'd been watching the sun set, when the question had broken the shared silence.

Sora looked up at Riku, seeming surprised.

"That's a silly question. Because I was worried about you. I didn't know what had happened to you, or if you were alright. You could have been hurt, or in trouble. I wanted to help you."

Riku thought about that answer.

"But I gave into the darkness. I betrayed you Sora. I became part of the darkness you fight."

Sora shook his head, and grabbed Riku's shoulder, as if he wanted to shake some sense into him.

"But you're not! You were taken by the darkness, and then you fought it! You never lost your heart. And you never stopped being my friend."

Riku felt sad and happy at the same time. He didn't deserve  
Sora's forgiveness, but it relieved him all the same. And there was another feeling there too that he knew he shouldn't explore too deeply. But it pulled at him right then.

Sora's hand on Riku's sholder seemed to pull at him as well. Or maybe that's what he wanted to think, and told himself to justify why his body was moving towards Sora's. And why he was lowering his face towards the other boy's.

A look of confusion passed Sora's eyes, and Riku stopped.

What was he doing?

Riku stepped back, jerking out of Sora's grip and crossing his arms. He looked away and tried to pretend that nothing had happened. Maybe Sora would believe that.

"I know you're my friend. I guess I just have trouble forgiving myself sometimes. It helps to be reminded that you already have."

Sora smiled.

"I hope you can forgive yourself someday."


	2. Confession

_I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts series or the characters involved._

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**Chapter Two - Confession**

"Riku, why have you been cutting off from Sora?"

"I haven't."

Kairi sighed in frustration.

Ok, maybe he had. It had just been too painful since he'd realized how different things were between them. He'd had to pull away. But he didn't think he'd done it enough to be noticed.

Riku had thought that it would be easier if he distanced himself from Sora. And Kairi too. Easier for everyone he'd thought. But mostly, it was supposed to be easier for himself.

"Look, Kairi. We've been through a lot. Things aren't going to go back to the way they were. We've all changed."

"Only on the outside. When you get down to it, we're all still ourselves. What's changed?"

How was he supposed to put it?

"I guess I have."

"How so?"

"You really don't know when to let go, do you?"

"No, I don't. One of my finer qualities. There's something that's making you hold back, and I want to know what it is!"

"No you don't."

"Try me."

Riku turned his back to Kairi and clenched his fist. He was doing this partially for her, why was she trying to make this so difficult?

"Trust me Kairi, you don't know what you're asking."

"I'm asking why you've been cutting of from me and your best friend."

"Fine! You want to know so badly? It's because he's not just a best friend to me! I can't be around him without it hurting me. I can't go back to how I used to be, and I can't act on what I feel now. I'd be vulnerable to him. I don't know if I could handle the way he'd look at me."

Riku took a deep breath, and attempted to calm down.

"I shouldn't have said anything. I didn't want to hurt you. Or him."

Riku raised his head and pushed his hair out of his eyes before turning back around, dreading Kairi's reaction. She stood there, staring at him. Her mouth was wide with shock. But more importantly, in the open doorway, there was someone else standing and looking every bit as suprised.

And it was the last person in the world Riku would have wanted to hear.

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_Sorry for the short chapters. The next one will be longer._

_-Angel Rogue _


	3. Response

_I do not own the rights to the Kingdom Hearts series or the characters involved._

_-----_

**Chapter Three - Reaction  
**

Sora didn't know what to say. He didn't understand what he'd just heard. His eyes locked with Riku's, and Riku came forward, pausing in from of him. Riku seemed to be searching his eyes for a long moment, but then he looked down, and away. He looked sad, ashamed.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

Riku walked past Sora, and out the door.

"Don't look at me with such pity," said Riku. And then he ran. Sora didn't go after him. He didn't know if he should.

"I guess I shouldn't have forced it out of him after all," said Kairi.

Sora had forgotten she was there.

"Do you..." Sora hesitated. "Do you think I hurt him?"

Kairi thought about the question.

"I wouldn't blame yourself, Sora."

"Maybe I should have gone after him."

"And say what?"

"I don't know! Maybe that I don't pity him! That I don't want to lose him... That I don't want him to run away."

Kairi seemed to look sad.

"Do you think maybe you feel the same, then?"

Sora jumped.

"Huh? Uh, well, I don't know. I've never thought about it."

Kairi definitely looked sad. Had he hurt her too?

"What's wrong Kairi?"

"It's nothing. You should go to him. Try to make him feel better."

She didn't look like she meant it.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes!"

She pushed him out the door.

"Okay, I get it!"

Sora ran towards the beach, hoping Riku would be at his usual tree.

Riku couldn't believe he'd actually said that. He hadn't meant to. He hadn't wanted to. Why had he done that?

He'd been angry. Mostly at Kairi, and that wasn't really fair. She deserved Sora. She'd wanted him much longer than Riku had. She was better for him. Maybe this was for the best. This would force Riku to give up on Sora. He'd just have to avoid seeing or talking to him for awhile.

"Riku?"

Riku automatically turned his head in response to hearing his name, and then immediately turned back when he realized it was Sora.

"Go away."

Rather then listen, Sora instead came up next to Riku, and leaned against the tree next to him. Riku supposed that Sora had come to say something, and that he probably wasn't going to convince him to go away until he said it. So Riku waited until Sora broke the silence.

"I'm sorry."

That's not what he'd expected him to say.

"Why should you be sorry?"

"Because I hurt you."

Riku forced himself to keep from looking at Sora.

"I hurt myself. It was inevitable. I'm just going to have to stay away from you for awhile is all."

Sora didn't say anything after that, and after waiting a few moments, the compulsion to look at Sora was too strong to resist. That may have been a mistake.

Sora was staring at his feet, and he looked miserable. Riku couldn't help but reach out his hand towards Sora. Riku touched his chin, and turned Sora's face towards his.

"Why do you look so sad?"

Sora made a weak attempt to smile.

"I just don't want to lose you again."

Did Sora think that he wanted to leave?

"You don't understand. If I'm around you, especially now that you know, I might end up doing things I shouldn't."

"Like what?"

Did he want an example? No, that couldn't be what he'd meant.

But Riku's hand was resting on the side of Sora's neck, and Sora was not pulling away from the touch. Riku put his hand behind Sora's neck, and slowly lowered his head towards him. When Sora still made no move to pull away, Riku lightly kissed Sora on the lips.

As Riku stood there, with his mouth half an inch from Sora, he could hear his heart beating loudly. And when Sora slightly opened his mouth, Riku responded by kissing him again. This time Sora reacted. This time he kissed Riku back.

The kiss deepened and Sora slid his hand up Riku's chest and around his neck. As Riku's hand slid around Sora's waist, and he pulled Sora closer to him, he silently wished for this moment to last forever. But Riku knew that realistically he should probably eventually end the kiss so they could talk about what this meant.

And Riku was sure that any minute now, it was possible, but not likely, that he would gain the motivation to do that.


End file.
